hope

Friday Fictioneer

She saw the sign and decided to apply.  Thinking as she filled in the blanks… no experience, no references, no chance. She waited for the call knowing what the answer would be but tried to keep her spirits up for their sake at least. Another day with no call, not a surprise, they probably didn’t read past her age and lack of job history. Finally a call, she answers with a weary voice ready for the rejection. Surprise!  An offer was given, finally now, food on the table for all of them, no more growling tummies at bed time.  Hope.

http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/moths-at-the-drive-through/ to see more photo prompt fiction!

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20 thoughts on “hope

    • i saw the prompt photo initially when looking at facebook on my phone and missed the moths completely, but recognized the McDonalds sign right away, so by the time i viewed the picture on my computer, i already had a story in my head 🙂

  1. That was a nice take and certainly reflective of the times! The prose was interesting, because it felt like a combination of non-fiction and poetry—definitely unusual. (And watch for tense shifts 🙂 )

    • i have never really written before 🙂 my mom got me involved in this challenge a few weeks ago, i have just been giving it my best shot 🙂 can you point out the tense shifts so i know what to look for 🙂

      • She saw [past] the sign and decided to apply. Thinking [present] as she filled [past] in the blanks… no experience, no references, no chance. She waited [past] for the call knowing [present] what the answer would be [future] but tried [past] to keep her spirits up for their sake at least. Another day with no call, not a surprise, they probably didn’t [past should be past perfect] read past her age and lack of job history. Finally a call, she answers [present] with a weary voice ready for the rejection. Surprise! An offer was [past] given, finally now, food on the table for all of them, no more growling tummies at bed time. Hope.

        There’s some flexibility with the -ing verbs, and you can switch to indicate a new place in time (moving into the present), but you have to be consistent after the switch. This is one way to clean it up (although it’s a little less poetic and it’s just one of many possible ways of improving it):

        She saw the sign and decided to apply. She filled in the blanks thinking, ‘no experience, no references, no chance.’ She waited for the call, knowing what the answer would be but trying to keep her spirits up anyway, for their sake.

        Another day with no call—not a surprise. They probably hadn’t read past her age and lack of job history.

        The phone rings. She answers with a weary voice, ready for the rejection. Surprise! An offer is given. Finally now, there will be food on the table for all of them. No more growling tummies at bedtime.

        Hope.

        (I took a chance and presumed the food on the table is the future she’s anticipating, if time has actually passed and there is food on the table, you can start a new paragraph and use the present tense instead of the future tense.[You could also use “An offer has been given.” instead of “is given.”])

        Hope that helps 🙂

  2. Tara. Your story touched a nerve. The only story this week to bring me to tears. It will most likely be mininum wage but thankfully, a paycheck at the end of the week..plus a free meal or two. Yes, junk food but food nonetheless. One has to have struggled and known hunger and deprivation to really appreciate the depth of this story and it touched the depths of my heart and soul. Thank you for sharing this. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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